Write a Life "Study Guide" for Your Pre-Pandemic Self

In 2020, the COVID-19 upheaval left me feeling profoundly uncertain and overwhelmed by the unknown. Like many others adjusting to new dynamics, I overhauled my life by re-evaluating habits, thought patterns, and relationships. Recently, I decided to write a life "study guide" for my pre-pandemic self.

As one of my close friends says, "life is a school and some subjects are harder than others." Armed with this list of lessons learned, I hope I'll be better prepared for the next global or personal crisis.

I did a mental tally of the many "aha!" moments in my life where I learned a lesson I'll never forget and then translated these into sections and subsections. Writing the following list of experiences/realizations/failures was a cathartic process, and I can continue to add to it over time. I encourage you to do this for yourself! If you feel hesitant to start on your own, do a wine night with the gang, or ask someone you trust to help you figure out what rings true. Start with an opening slogan to set the tone. Make something up, or if you're religious or spiritual, you could choose a prayer or a verse. Quotes or song lyrics work great as well. Add some ceremony to the process with candles, a nice cocktail, or even smudging your space. You should feel comfortable, safe, and wholeheartedly ready to delve in. Prepare to feel emotionally drained or exhausted after the process. It's ok to write it over multiple increments. This is an act of self-devotion and commitment.

Without further ado, here's my study guide:

May these words help you find clarity, consciousness, and constitution as you move through life.

Meet & accept others where they're at

Accept people for who they are and not who you expect them to be. Nothing is more painful for two parties than asking for something from someone that can't deliver. We're all in different spaces, and it's a shitty thing not to meet someone where they're at when you can.

• Life will be a lot easier and relationships less strained when you can do this. Why be disappointed when you can reframe your mindset and value someone for what they will/can bring to the table.

Self-quarantine + Don't have sunny expectations on bad weather days

(No, not COVID quarantine.) Sometimes it's inevitable that you'll feel like shit, and that's ok. It just ~be~ that way, and it's a universal, shared part of the human experience. Any empathetic person gets it. Just don't let your shitty-ness impact how you treat others. If anything, good friends will help you find comfort and solace during hard times.

• Accept the support and don't push people away. When you can't adjust your attitude, take some space to allow yourself to process away from others.

Live with a Zero Shaming Policy: you will inevitably mess up

Whether in relationships, school, etc., you will mess up and forget a birthday, an assignment, or even to eat a meal. It's ok. Being hard on yourself will trap you in a perpetual cycle of self-pity and loathing. Usually, what's done is done, and you have to learn to accept and trust everything will turn out ok.

• My favorite quote from the Dalai Lama XIV: "If it can be solved, there's no need to worry, and if it can't be solved, worry is of no use."

Foster & encourage your inner child to thrive

You would never call a 5-year-old stupid, lazy, fat, or ugly. Why be hard on yourself and smother your golden inner being? Most of us are too insecure to care about judging others, so full send your authentic self. Fuck the status quo.

• Incorporate positive affirmations into your daily routine and do things that may seem immature, sporadic, and crazy when you need to.

SLEEEEEEEPPPP!!!

People always asked me how I balanced crazy class and work schedules during undergrad. I actually sleep so that I can be happy and productive. The tradeoff is hard when friends are going out or Netflix looks tempting, but a few extra hours of sleep in the long run is almost always worth it. I could insert scientific journal articles about the importance of sleep, but why waste my time when it's common sense. Acting on it is the hard part.

• Read before going to bed instead of scrolling online. Pick a self-appointed bedtime and live by it.

Airplane mask metaphor

A classic piece of advice that's almost cliche at this point. Take care of yourself first so that you can be a good friend, parent, sibling, lover, etc., to others. This rings true with "you can't love someone else until you love yourself." So put that mask on and be the best you can be to contribute to the rest of humanity.

Stop being a masochist

WAY easier said than done. We're encouraged to push ourselves to burn out in professional & academic settings. When it's too hard to disengage from burnout culture, remember, if you actually want to let go of pain/stress/anxiety, let go. If you don't, you aren't really tired enough of hurting.

• When you can't cut yourself slack or disengage, reframe your mindset & and angrily kill yourself with kindness. Aggressively think something kind/positive about yourself until you genuinely mean the positive affirmation on repeat in your head.

Have an established protocol for when you feel lost in uncertainty

This could be cleaning, exercise, journaling, art. Pick small activities and practices that allow you to focus and center yourself and incorporate them into life as much as possible. Life happens, and you can only control your thoughts and mindset, but sometimes we need extra help with actions that allow us to cope.

Do your own thing, in your own way, on your own time

As Henry David Thoreau said, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however, measured or far away."

Don't get lost in the sauce

Live in moderation and practice equanimity. Try to let waves of emotion pass through you and manage your actions thoughtfully. Exercise in excess can be bad for you, where ice cream in moderation can fix almost any problem:) It's all about evenness and balance.

Visualize a happy future

A future in which everything that you are working toward comes to fruition. Especially when the present is overwhelming, exhausting, or depressing. (This is what people call Manifesting, I guess.)

• Create one week, five month, or even 10-year daydreams that you can aspire to. These will evolve and change over time but help reinforce why you work so hard in the present and give you something to look forward to.

• Alternatively, visualize a happy place, real or imagined. Mine is the small house in rural Mississippi I grew up in, or an envisioned mountain cabin where I can make art and fossil hunt all day. Yours will be unique. Plus, you can have a bazillion different visualizations of a happy place. It could be a childhood home when you miss family, a toilet when you need to poop, or the mall- it doesn't matter if it's materialistic, don't judge yourself and allow the visualizations to blossom and warm you up from the inside out.

Listen to your body and your "gut"

Deep down, you intrinsically know what you need, but sometimes it's hard to figure that out. Meditation, music, hiking, etc., are activities that help me communicate with my inner self and understand what she needs.